Dependence

For the last 7 months Max has been entirely dependent on me. We never really got off the ground with the bottle and even during the brief while that he was taking it he still didn't really settle for anyone but me.

In the last few weeks, even though we're well into weaning now and he's starting to have a bit less breastmilk, it feels like that dependence is increasing. I think it's partly to do with isolation meaning that he's not interacting with anyone except Kevin, me and Skye and partly to do with his age. I do remember Skye having a particularly clingy phase at this age.

It's not so bad in the day. He's happy to be with Kevin then so at least that's good. He'll even fall asleep on him too but in the evenings or at night it's a different story. We're still trying to claim our evenings back. Up until the last few days he has always been wide awake and with us in the evenings but we're trying to gently work on getting him to settle earlier. It seems to be slowly improving but whenever he does wake up, which is often, he only wants me. Kevin tries to resettle him but he only escalates until I get involved. It's hard for both of us that that's the case.

I do know that it's all normal and he's still so little. And to be honest it's as amazing as it is overwhelming that my small human is thriving and turning into such a wonderful, curious, happy little boy and I'm the one that's grown him. But every so often I just get that craving for a bit of a break. Like every mum right?

In just over two months I'm going back to work and then we'll all be getting used to a new normal. He'll have to learn to be without me in the evenings when I'm on late shifts. He'll need to learn to settle for Kevin and I just hope the adjustment for him is ok.

It's strange because with Skye I couldn't wait for her to be weaned and be a bit less dependent just on me. Maybe because she wasn't even night weaned until 10 months. Maybe it's because he may well be our last baby, or maybe it's because the sleep deprivation with Skye clouded everything else. Whatever the reason, it's different with Max. I already know I'm going to miss being his whole world, and miss the fact that right now he really only needs me.

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