The S word

Sleep is my favourite word. It's my favourite topic of conversation, pretty much an obsession. Somehow when you're not getting enough sleep it's impossible not to think or talk about it all the time. Who knew that sleep was so fundamental? I mean, I did obviously. But I also didn't really, if you know what I mean?!

For months and months we've been severely sleep deprived. We had tried lots of things to try and make it better. We got hopeful every time we had a couple of better nights. We learned to cope with no more than 2 or 3 consecutive hours at a time.

And then one day, as if by magic, things just started to get better. They're by no means perfect and I was almost reluctant to write this because it feels like it might jinx it but for the moment at least, broken nights are the exception not the norm.

For the last few weeks, bar a few nights here and there, Skye has gone to sleep on her own at around 7pm (with monkey clutched in her hand) after a story and some milk and slept through until about 12 hours later! 

We're still celebrating each night as it happens and I still get the grip of anxiety when I hear her stir or have a little moan in her sleep, wondering if this is the night when it will all come crashing down. But so far, so good.

Whatever has caused this sudden change, it's been revolutionary for all of us. I knew I was chronically and dangerously sleep deprived but I don't think I fully appreciated the extent of it until I started getting more sleep.

I feel physically more energetic. I kept getting the bus home from the train station even though it's only a 10min walk and was feeling bad about how lazy that was but I just didn't have the energy. Now I basically bound back home and it feels good to stretch my legs on that walk after a day in the office. I feel more positive and more patient and I know I'm being far less grumpy with Kevin - he's noticed it too because he told me!

I feel like I can be a better mum now. I have more energy for Skye and more patience and I just enjoy her company even more than before. She's always been pretty excellent during the day, making us laugh and never really crying. Now that we're in a better period at nighttime, everything is just better.

I still don't want to take it for granted because I know how easily it can all get thrown off again but right now, we're thoroughly enjoying it. And for the first time in well over a year, I'm not talking and moaning about lack of sleep all the time, so I'm sure everyone else is enjoying it too!

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